PARENTING NOW FOR HEALTHY YOUTH LATER

Geared toward parents of elementary school aged children, Tasmin Pesso presents skills that support healthy, resilient youth and explores how what we do today is the foundation for our future relationships with our children through middle and high school.

Tasmin started her parent educator journey earning her master’s degree in Media Studies at San Francisco State concluding that Media Literacy begins in early childhood. She is a certified Parent Coaching Institute parent coach, and a Kidpower, boundary setting skills instructor. She is the president of the PBSP Psychomotor Institute, an organization established by her parents in support of the therapy they created. She is also the parent of two Redwood High School graduates.

 
 

10 Tips

by Tasmin Pesso

1.     Make self-care a priority.  Don’t try to be the super parent.  Parents are more effective when they are well-rested and calm. 

2.     Make the health and safety of your children a family priority.

3.     We learn best from our experiences.  We are born with the drive to grow up and become adults.  Be aware of the experiences our children have regarding safe and unsafe, healthy and unhealthy behaviors.  Childhood is the training phase for teenage and adulthood. 

4.     Model how you want your children to behave.  These are powerful experiences.  “Do as I say, not as I do” does not work! It is human nature to repeat the behaviors that are practiced and observed, and kids are master hypocrisy hunters.  When you drink, notice what you are modeling.  

  • “What a tough day! I need a drink,” and “It’s a party! Give me a drink” may not be the lessons you wish to give your child about how to manage stress and how to have fun.

  • Don’t glamorize drinking or make it seem especially fun. For example, raucous college drinking stories should not be shared with kids.  And remember kids are listening and noticing even when they don’t appear to be.

  • Celebrations, birthday parties, end of season team events, Halloween trick or treating…  When it’s about the kids, don’t’ make it about the drink.  Find great, fun, special treats and activities that make an event special and no one will miss the alcohol.

  • When children are around, choose entertainment that also models acceptable behaviors.  If watching TV, fast forward through the commercials, or turn off the volume, particularly during sports events with all those “fun” beer ads.

5.     Briefly, matter-of-factly, and on a developmentally appropriate level use both positive and negative experiences as teachable moments.  Your conversations become the “captions” to experiences that help children understand their experiences and observations.  Discuss your family values and expectations, as well as the consequences of actions.  Do not turn this into a lecture.

6.     Treat mass media as you would treat a stranger whose motives are suspect.  You would not leave your child alone with a persuasive stranger…   televisions, computer screens, tablets, and smart phones are great tools through which we can encounter the best and worst of humanity. These powerful communication tools are so deeply entrenched in our daily lives that it is easy to forget to maintain supervision.  Remember billions are spent on all forms of marketing because it works!  

  • Be selective about what is viewed/played

  • How much time is spent with mass media

  • Talk with your kids about what is and is not permitted to be viewed, and why – It is okay if they are disappointed

  • Share your values and supervise their use

  • If you are not sure about a program, game, website, app, movie etc. – check it out for yourself first

  • Look up reviews on CommonSenseMedia.org and other reviewers you trust who have a parent’s perspective in mind

  • When in doubt, turn it off

7.     Calmly and consistently set developmentally appropriate boundaries and consequences.  And remember mistakes are part of learning. Just as falling is part of learning how to walk, children will make mistakes while mastering all sorts of life skills.  Do not try to spare them the discomfort of mistakes.  It cheats them of valuable life experience, suggests that you do not think they are capable of mastering skills, and robs them of the eventual joy of achievement.  Let them share with you what they have learned, celebrate with them their success (and spare them the “I told you so” that you might be thinking.)

8.     In the course of the day, find time to give your child your full attention. Talk with them, listen to them, and love them for who they are.  Tuck in time can become one of those special times to connect.  As children grow into teenage, a nightly ritual of checking in before sleep may be just the opportunity to connect that your future teen will need in tough times.

9.     Be a safe person to turn to when they are having problems.

10.  Remember despite the desire to be independent, teens self-report that the most important influences in their lives are their parents.